Bedtime Thinking

Sometime I wonder am I really mature enough to define the path and rules of my life… am I experienced enough to predict the future (up to some extent)… have I learned enough to distinguish between good or bad… am I strong enough to face any challenge?

What comes in mind when you stay alone…?
Memories or questions… mostly.
Rarely comes the solutions.

I always challenged myself…
Many time.
Pushed the limit to test my stamina, power and courage….loved to go extra miles.
I lived, I loved, I hated, I cried, I laughed….

I am not an ambitious guy…may be don’t like seeing dreams… or can say my way of seeing dreams is different.
I prefer to see my dream in my goal than to see my goal in my dream.
Sometime I find myself getting involved in something other that I forget my own way of living….when gets a slap then only wakes up from the sleep.

Pain.
Can you see it?
It’s a feeling…it may rest in smile too or in a frustrated laugh.
But a good part of pain is…it shows your limit…define your limitations…and also awakens you from the sleep.

I loved pain (…afterwards).
I know it won’t last…. It has to be finished. But what will remain is the mark and memory…and most important its lessons. Lessons that I would like to treasure through my life. Lessons that will make my action in future more sharp and accurate.
Its fun to learn. Its my only earning in my life.

What can give you pain…? Trust on others.
What eases your pain…? Trust on yourself.
I loved others.
That fortunate person will love you for sure…but doesn’t necessarily will love you the way you love…doesn’t reciprocate your feeling the way you do…may not respond according to your choice.
Result…
heart break? Pain?
Now you start thinking and searching inside yourself…find that one is not wrong…even you are not wrong… then what went wrong?
This is a world of individuals…you tried to see their lives from your eyes…Wrong. You don’t have any right.
Suddenly you realize Expectations…from where it came?
I was not a person who expects from anyone…how did this happen?
Change?
Yes.
But why?
Did you find your previous path was wrong? If so…then again why do you want to go back to that path? May be for the one I decided to change or change happened had realized you this. I know I am wrong to decide to go back…but I can’t stay on the same path…..
I m egoist.