Fall(en)ing Apart

I still dream and think that things should have been better. We would be together. There would be no heartbreaks, no setbacks, no broken eyes, no bitter fight… no breakups. But it rarely appear ‘Happily live after’ tagline so early in life. Its not a fairytale. It is the story of my friends, who were friends.

I don’t know exactly what went wrong between them, among them that they all fall apart as if it would be better if they would have never been together. But how can I forget those years (not days or weeks or months) which are still most memorable and enjoyable and complete and fulfilling time span till this day. But I feel they don’t want to look back to those memories and take a trip to those forgotten places where we used to sit together.
But yes one thing for sure we were good together. We were happy even in our adversity. We were complete even with our incompetence. We were neither studs nor smartest but whenever we walked together everyone looked on us with curious and jealous eyes……….. but now again we all are on our own. Separate from places… separate from hearts. Distances made us distant.

What made us apart is still not able to fill those gaps and still at night I (may be we) miss/wait for their call/voice (sometime). It was not an impulsive decision to accept them but it was a choice. We learned from each other. We fought with each other. We shared, we cared. We stand for each other. We cried for each other (well, not we all, but few among us :)). It is not a story of inseparable souls living together but it was the time when different souls came together to live inseparably.

One possible reason could be taking things for granted. We always pursued our dreams, we were (are) ambitious. We put our effort into it. We may/may not get what we want but did we put even part of those effort to remain attached. Thoght, it is by default. We got it, not to loose it….and today…we have lost it (most part of it), not to get it back.
Some cried, some remained silent, some acted as a mentor, some as a pillar. But we all understood and no one liked it. It happened in pairs, subgroups and groups… still happening. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. We kept loosing it. Only we could do to find some satisfactory justifications for ourselves or in the worst case we blamed. But when in lonely moments, in distant (not so distant) memories, if some tease or wish comes in unanswered eyes then you only know no justifications or blame shifting helps. They are just unsuitable temporary ways to hide or cover up your failures…(and lack of effort).

What If…(the worst and ever haunting two words).
What if they would have chosen to walk together?
What if they would have found a way to overcome their differences?
What if they would have put a little extra effort?
What if we all would be together?
What if we would have been never meet?
There could be infinite parallel events possible and we cant predict the butterfly effect of these ‘What ifs’ precisely. But one thing for sure, I wont be writing this (at 2:10AM).

What is making us part?
Can it act like a filler for those vacancies? Can it replace it? Could it replace it?
If not, are we trying to put those fallen part together? Am I playing my part?

I believe we all will be going to places in coming years. But everyone will be there separately and when we wont find our loved ones with us, there is a chance that we may not miss them. But if we miss them, we will miss them bad… very bad. (or may be we would lose our capacity to recognize its intensity by then, I don’t know which would be worse).

P.S. I still wish things should have been better and still hope whatever pieces we have left, those stay together, forever.

Conversation with a Parasite

Parasite: I need your blood. I need it for my survival.

Human: Why do you suck life out of us?

Parasite: Because we can’t live without it.

Human: But it is not yours.

Parasite: But life is mine, I have to protect it.

Human: Why don’t you use other means to survive?

Parasite: We have not given choice.

Human: Why don’t you learn?

Parasite: We can’t. you are saying this because you have been given the capability. We are not born with hands and legs. We don’t have muscle and bones which will allow us to work. You have been blessed with all the means which will make you the leader in the race. Its your responsibility to create and we will consume it. If we are not surviving then its you who has to blame. Because we have been just given a mouth. We can’t produce. We can only eat.

Human: Yes. we have been given hands, legs, muscle, bones everything. But all were useless since I born. I had legs but I could not walk. I had hands, but I could not hold and pick. I had muscle and bones but I could not work. I had mouth, which could only suck the milk from my creator.

Parasite: So it qualifies you to become like us.

Human: Why so hurry. My survival was the only goal of my creator as they believed that I will become their torch bearer. They made my hands strong so that I would be able to support them when they need. They made my legs strong so that I will never lag behind in the race. They made my shoulders strong so that I could bear my responsibilities with ease. They had given me their wisdom so that I can improve over them. They believed in my capacity and will to give back for their favor as a support mentally, physically, spiritually. It was their turn, now its mine. It is symbiosis. I have obligation towards my creator and every single living and non-living entity around who were involved in the making of me. To recognize their effort is one, to give back is second. If I am not paying back to my creators, my supporters, my society that is the only situation I will become like you, a parasite.

Parasite: Its so easy for you to say cause you have been given gifts.

Human: Yes. I have been given this. But I had put my share of effort to develop and protect it. There are efforts made to make me like what I appear today, by different people at different stages including me. If I give it to you free it will be dishonor to my creators, my supporters and to me. I won’t live my life under any guilt. I don’t choose it.

Parasite: What you would have done, if you were at my place? Commit suicide?

Human: I would have done suicide by the moment I would have considered myself incompetent to feed myself my own. Since the moment I became capable to think, I knew I will put my every part and effort to find my way. I won’t demand anything for which I can’t give anything in return. At your place I would have spent my whole life to learn, to create, to produce, to earn and to pass it to my successors. So that one day finally my coming generations would be self sufficient and a truly welcomed part in the society. I would have been exchange my service to different species to learn their skills. I would have done everything to protect my self respect, my self esteem.

Parasite: World is made up of all kind of creatures. I play my part. So what is wrong in it?

Human: You can always choose to remain in whatever conditions you are in. You can always remain in your adversity life long and will always find excellent satisfactory reason to justify yourself. But there will be only one reason to change it. Desire to grow and evolved from your current status. Evolution. This is the only word world accepts. Who manages to evolved, learned to grow, survive. Nature adopted them, otherwise they are found in history books. You are dependent on me. If I go, you won’t last. Why to choose to live such an unsure, unsecured and un-respectful life. At the place give it some good reason. Add some value to it. Give your life to make it meaningful and then I will not only give you my blood but give you my life to feed you, to protect you… This is Human.

Bedtime Thinking

Sometime I wonder am I really mature enough to define the path and rules of my life… am I experienced enough to predict the future (up to some extent)… have I learned enough to distinguish between good or bad… am I strong enough to face any challenge?

What comes in mind when you stay alone…?
Memories or questions… mostly.
Rarely comes the solutions.

I always challenged myself…
Many time.
Pushed the limit to test my stamina, power and courage….loved to go extra miles.
I lived, I loved, I hated, I cried, I laughed….

I am not an ambitious guy…may be don’t like seeing dreams… or can say my way of seeing dreams is different.
I prefer to see my dream in my goal than to see my goal in my dream.
Sometime I find myself getting involved in something other that I forget my own way of living….when gets a slap then only wakes up from the sleep.

Pain.
Can you see it?
It’s a feeling…it may rest in smile too or in a frustrated laugh.
But a good part of pain is…it shows your limit…define your limitations…and also awakens you from the sleep.

I loved pain (…afterwards).
I know it won’t last…. It has to be finished. But what will remain is the mark and memory…and most important its lessons. Lessons that I would like to treasure through my life. Lessons that will make my action in future more sharp and accurate.
Its fun to learn. Its my only earning in my life.

What can give you pain…? Trust on others.
What eases your pain…? Trust on yourself.
I loved others.
That fortunate person will love you for sure…but doesn’t necessarily will love you the way you love…doesn’t reciprocate your feeling the way you do…may not respond according to your choice.
Result…
heart break? Pain?
Now you start thinking and searching inside yourself…find that one is not wrong…even you are not wrong… then what went wrong?
This is a world of individuals…you tried to see their lives from your eyes…Wrong. You don’t have any right.
Suddenly you realize Expectations…from where it came?
I was not a person who expects from anyone…how did this happen?
Change?
Yes.
But why?
Did you find your previous path was wrong? If so…then again why do you want to go back to that path? May be for the one I decided to change or change happened had realized you this. I know I am wrong to decide to go back…but I can’t stay on the same path…..
I m egoist.